A Life Fully-Lived
May 29, 2012
The day-to-day challenges of my life are much more easily dealt with in sobriety than they ever were in my full-blown acting-out days. Back then, there was a sense of tension and anxiety casting a pall over everything. These days, life can be all the things that it is — spiritual, awe-inspiring, difficult, shitty — rife with the full spectrum of emotions, but I don’t hide from it. I invite that full spectrum and I don’t repress experiences by acting out.
Today, in sobriety, I appreciate a life fully-lived, however many hurdles may still be presented me, than one half-lived. I’m no longer the zombie, so numerous in our pop culture these days, that I once was. I’m present and accounted for. And this program has become the clear means by which I stay present, stay in touch with my emotions, and stay in communication with the God of my understanding.
I’m halfway through Step 5, which is incredibly cathartic and has allowed me to deal with my emotions right as they come up. I stay in touch with my sponsor; I make the same handful of calls to my very close friends in fellowship every day which keeps me accountable and allows me to share any tensions or triggers or accomplishments. I also actively work on my relationship with my wife and kids, which is repairing bit by bit.
By repeating the above recovery tasks daily, I am kept sober and sane. I now have about three-and-a-half years’ sobriety and I hope to stay sober, one day at a time. In other words, I work the program diligently and I live through the tools of the program because it works when I work it.