Coming Out of Denial

Photo by Jan Tinneberg on Unsplash

December 6, 2011

Today I’m all about staying the course in my sobriety and a big part of that process is about coming out of denial. Denial, like my addiction, used to be a place to go so that I wasn’t clubbed over the head by the pain of my past. Some of that pain is about past circumstances with an alcoholic mother and an abusive, alcoholic father.

The truth is, bad shit happened. So, the part of my persona that was being consistently wounded began, later on in life, downplaying the abuse and the neglect and the poor parenting. That’s denial.

The opposite of denial isn’t wallowing or blaming, but is acknowledging that as a child, events and scenarios outside of my control affected me deeply and negatively, and continue to affect me in my adult life. So, my persistent denial that nothing “too awful” happened to me as a child goes hand-in-hand with my addiction as an adult. And my addiction denies me true intimacy, not only sexual, but emotional and spiritual intimacy as well.

That denial keeps blinders on me, preventing me from seeing and experiencing more of the good things in life.

I have starved my soul for long enough from the bounty of a spiritually-led life. Thank God the work I’ve done, in therapy and in this program, has slowly but surely allowed me to review my past, and to feel it honestly, and to acknowledge the pain that often comes with it. As I recognize the past, I get out of denial. I then can accept the work which I need to do to live more healthily in sobriety today. And that work will help propel me into a more promising future.

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Sean Cardinalli

Sean Cardinalli

blogging about sex/love addiction & recovery