Defense Alone Doesn’t Work
Pro-Actively Seek the Things Which Inspire Joy and Aid Recovery
March 29, 2010
I admit that it takes work for me to stay in the present and contented. I’m not an outwardly negative person, but I am quick with my defensiveness and the other emotional baggage that comes with my addiction. I’m thankful to, at the least, have enough self-love to be able to work on recovery.
In the last 3 or 4 days, I’ve built up a shell as a way of protecting myself from the radical changes happening in my life. Being pulled out of that shell by my therapist today was just shy of maddening. Once I get into that mode, I’m usually cemented in place until I’m ready to come out. It’s obviously not the healthiest way to deal with things; it’s the product of childhood self-preservation that now, as an adult in adult relationships, isn’t useful or beneficial.
While in that precarious place where my emotions appear too difficult to deal with, my sponsor gave me great advice. He didn’t just advise me to “not act out.” He also told me to use the full menu of tools I’ve learned in recovery, the limitations of which are my own imagination. He recommended me to actively dance in those healthy, affirming activities which are the exact opposite of my acting-out activities. It was a reminder for me to be proactive in my recovery. It was a reminder to not only use judo-like tactics — like calling someone when I’m triggered or reaching out when I feel vulnerable — but to go on the offense, in only the most loving way that word could be imagined.
In the next few days, I’ll be meditating and exercising; reading writings that aren’t work-related; playing with my kids; enjoying the outdoors; and being truly active in my recovery, not just ducking the blows of addictive temptation. I’m thankful my therapist reminded me to take action in my recovery and do the things which inspire me positively and bring me great joy, instead of just wading through the inevitable pangs a difficult time can make me feel.
