“Hang in There”

Photo by Ramiz Dedaković on Unsplash

November 8, 2011

I don’t really have a cohesive message today other than to just “hang in there.” My therapist lobs that phrase my way when there’s really nothing else to do. He doesn’t mean it like a hackneyed motivational poster on an office manager’s wall. He says it when all the advice has been dispensed and all that’s needed on my part is acceptance and perseverance. It’s then that I imagine life without recovery and remember how awful the days of incessant acting out were. It’s then that I remember that no matter how stressful today is, today still affords me another opportunity to be healthy and sober.

My paternal grandfather died on Saturday, and besides the obvious, it’s particularly sad for me because I had only been reunited with him and my father and their whole family a few years ago. I haven’t even fully mourned and I’m annoyed I don’t have the money to fly out to California for the funeral services. But I’m going to try to hang in there.

I had a small slip on Sunday, right after I’d had a really great weekend with my wife, even despite the news about my grandpa. The weekend with my wife reaffirmed our bond. We recognized we’ve no idea what comes next, but acknowledged we’d at least like to try to handle what comes together as best we can. And then Sunday, I was feeling slippery. I’m just going to try to hang in there and stay sober.

Last night and this morning, the reality of my financial situation was ever-present. It’s not going to be fixed overnight. But, like my recovery, I’m taking the steps to change my income, take care of my kids, and keep a roof over my family’s head. My wife is actually the one keeping the roof up right now, but I’m contributing and I’m searching for jobs to start contributing more. I’m trying my best to hang in there and I invite my fellow addicts in recovery to do the same.

These challenges are not insurmountable, but I acknowledge they’re difficult. I don’t need to compound any issue I’m having by reintroducing my active addiction into my life. Sobriety is the key.

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Sean Cardinalli

Sean Cardinalli

blogging about sex/love addiction & recovery