Honest and Willing
We Can Choose to Accept Our Reality at Any Time
August 23, 2010
Movies are an important part of my childhood and present. I saw Inception this weekend, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. You gotta see it; I was positively giddy about seeing it and it lived up to the hype. It’s a contemporary masterpiece I’ll surely see again. I won’t be giving away anything important about the movie by saying it’s about digging into the layers of the subconscious, into dreams and perceived reality. The movie reminded me that we have choices in life. We can choose to accept our reality at any time.
This reminded me of my recovery because there was such a long, long time in my life when I perceived things only through the lens of my addiction. And even when I acknowledged I had a problem, it took six years to fathom a way to do something about it. I was stuck with only temporary reprieves; I could achieve some good, but always in a state of deprivation; always feeling like a respite from acting out wasn’t enough or was temporary at best. Which was true. I’d push myself exceedingly hard, never understanding how to be happy with what is. The addiction fed into that and for a long time, wouldn’t let me go.
In recovery, I don’t have to do anything but be honest and be willing to stay sober and everything else falls into place. It’s not perfect or stress-free, but I accept what it is. Instead of trudging through another week wondering what’s wrong with everything, I am thrilled with another sober day. And I try to take my emotions for what they’re worth — easy or difficult, happy or sad — and be okay with them.
The famous “acceptance story” in the AA Big Book is about this. It’s not everything around me which is difficult that needs to change, it’s my perception of it, my response to it that does. Everything is going to be what it is. And I will be the better for it if I stay sober. I choose not to live in that dream-like denial which caused nightmarish consequences, not the least of which was the dissolution of my marriage. I choose to be in the present and it is with amazement and gratitude that I can see how I was back then, leading up to only two years ago, and how I am getting to live so differently, so healthily now.
