New Year, New Me
My Resolution is Written, a Day at a Time, 365 Days a Year
December 27, 2010
The end of the year is nigh with new beginnings to follow. Like any other two days of the year, I’m going to try my best to stay sober on New Year ’s Eve and then again on New Year’s Day. This year, I experimented a bit with the sense of finality and renewal that comes my way every New Year’s. And in a way, I jumped the gun; I didn’t let the calendar on my wall dictate how I was going to feel regarding my recovery. This program is effective for me if I put it to practice 365 days a year, one day at a time. So, although I plan on enjoying New Year’s, I haven’t held off on the promises I would otherwise make for myself on December 31st. In short, my resolution has already been written.
In November, I felt like the things I’ve wanted to do were being put off long enough and I just started to do them. I had help: I had my therapist help kick me into gear; I had my fellows in the program as my sounding board through good and difficult times, and to help me regain focus when it became blurry. As a result, I am happy to say that since November, I have begun applying for graduate school; I’ve begun working on my physical well-being, acting and feeling healthier during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays; and I’m working tirelessly to communicate clearly and keep important boundaries around my mother, my former in-laws, and my ex-wife.
So, although New Year’s is an important time, a pivot point for many including myself, I’m not going to be beholden to its unsubtle pressures. I began reinvigorating myself almost two months prior to New Year’s and it’s an on-going process. Every day I open my eyes is another chance to start over, be sober, be healthy, and be grateful. I try almost every morning to take my emotional temperature, get grounded, remind myself to be willing to be willing, and to practice compassion for myself and those around me. It’s not perfect, but it’s certainly progress over the horrible years I spent in active addiction.
I am so grateful to be a part of my recovery fellowship and to have their support. I am grateful to have phone lines to call in and hear shares on; to have a therapist and a sponsor. I deeply appreciate all the wisdom that comes from all those sources. I hope all these good people — and good people everywhere — have a Happy New Year. But also, I hope they just have a happy Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday before the New Year. I pray for constant contact with my Higher Power every day, whether or not one year is ending and another is beginning again.
