Practicing True Intimacy
Recovery Friendships Tend to Long-Term Sobriety
October 10, 2011
I want to emphasize tonight what a monumental blessing it has been for me to make deep, meaningful friendships within the fellowship. There is little in the English language which can clearly convey how crucial this facet of my recovery has been. And I have a pretty good vocabulary. It is so important and so special to me that true, lasting, open and honest friendships have blossomed with some fellowship members that, when I think about it, I almost tear up.
The reasons these relationships are so important are these: the friendships lay the groundwork for longer term sobriety and for a lifetime of healthy, sober living. If I can learn to trust a friend in recovery, then I’m open and honest with them. If I’m open and honest, then I can stop keeping secrets like if I slip, if I lose my temper, or if I’m starting to spiral.
The flip side is I can also celebrate my successes or milestones and I can get feedback on good times as well as difficult ones. This consistent, spiritual interaction retrains my addict brain and re-nourishes my starved soul.
So many of us are products of neglect or abuse or damage of some kind. The effort I’ve made to connect with others in a deep way is practice for the true intimacy I’ve never allowed myself or anyone else to have with me. The saying is, “practice makes progress,” so if I exercise behaviors like reaching out, like breaking isolation, like sharing and crying and laughing with someone else, in scenarios that were previously foreign to me, then I grow that much more in recovery. These deep friendships are part and parcel of the promises manifesting.
Praise God, I’ve found that deep, vulnerable, intimate friendships provide recovery help but also real life, real-time support. If I can hear a fellow share about slipping and see myself in him and not judge but be compassionate, then I can certainly show compassion to my wife and children and even complete strangers. And I can keep treating myself with respect, and can learn how to stay sober.
