Recovery Becomes My Norm
Replacing Repetitive Compulsiveness with Healthy, Rote Practices
April 5, 2011
The Second Step reads: “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” My means of keeping sane — that is, abstaining from the insanity of my addiction — is living with rigorous honesty and living healthily through this program. If insanity is repetitive compulsiveness, then sanity is trying new things. It’s also repeating things that do work; things which feed my soul, which bring my family together, which help me be a good person and father.
I have been thankful lately because I have been putting the program to good use. The good repetition — putting into practice the tools which keep me sober — has become the familiar. It’s become rote, and I don’t mean rote like boring; I mean it’s becoming habitual in a healthy way. My program is becoming my norm.
I wake up and make calls almost automatically, and I have a greater dependence on God as a resource. My Higher Power is an energy I can tap into, move closer to, rely on to slow down my life when it becomes too hectic or stressed.
I’ve “come to believe” because I notice now, often after-the-fact, how I go to my God, who is a source of warmth and love. It’s not that I don’t have my doubts still. But I’m not exactly skeptical, either. I still have fears but alongside my fears is a quiet, persistent, growing feeling that everything will be okay. And that willingness to go to the God of my understanding of course leads right to the next step, the Third, which is my favorite.
Still, it took the First and Second Steps to get to the Third. And what an amazing change of pace, what an amazing new viewpoint on life! It didn’t happen with hosannas and sun rays, though sometimes it feels that glorious. It just started with a willingness to be open to the wonderful avatars of my Higher Power in group; in those special, welcoming, safe meetings; and in a willingness to be open to my personal God. My Higher Power somehow brought me to the meetings to come to a better understanding of love, serenity, sanity, and livelihood. I am becoming healthier and so can interact more healthily with my family, friends, coworkers, and even complete strangers.
It’s “practice makes progress,” and I am open to more and more dialogue with my God to keep walking together through this process of recovery.
