August 16, 2010
Suddenly the summer is nearing its end. Suddenly my first baby, my little girl, is heading to kindergarten. Suddenly I’ve got a new roof over my head, a little money in the bank, and bills paid. Suddenly, I have to juggle my time in a different way because of the new job opportunity I’ve gotten. Suddenly, I’ve been devoted to specific shares and service work for six months. Suddenly.
I’d like to remind myself tonight to breathe and invite everyone in recovery to do the same. There is a lot on my plate. I’m not sure when there won’t be. There might be a lot on yours. I’m a divorced dad of two little ones working hard through recovery from twenty-five years of a porn addiction that was sparked when I was a nine-year-old. I am now seeking a better way of life. And I found it via my recovery program. But sometimes experience seems sudden; life flies by. I can often blink and see a week or two — or a month — behind me.
Personally, I like to make lists. It helps me keep track better. That way, I don’t start to panic if it appears I’m not getting the longer-term and bigger-picture items checked off, even incrementally. In addition to the host of household, work-related, or creative “to dos” which populate my list, there are many items which are very healthy for me to include I’d like to share.
Those items include working my program, talking with God regularly, and listening for his grace in return. Also included are eating better and sleeping enough. Making calls, and making some more. Going to meetings and fellowshipping. And my favorite: giving it up to God, praise be Step Three.
Tonight, I’m going to try to just breathe and sit and let the flurry of thoughts usually cluttering my mind quiet a bit. I’m going to let emotions come and then go on through. I’m going to thank God for guiding my recovery along with my fellowship and my therapist. I am also deeply appreciative of the folks on the recovery line I do service on for allowing me weekly opportunities to ramble and share my experiences in recovery, both the difficult and not-so-difficult ones. I appreciate each and every one of the shares, feedback, and check-ins I am blessed to listen to, week after week. They encourage me and I learn from them. This program really, really works if you work it.