The Courage to Change
Asking the Universe to Help Me See and Do Things Differently
May 3, 2010
I’m mulling over the phrase in the Serenity Prayer that asks God for the “courage to change.” I personally think that everyone walking through the door of a meeting, or picking up a phone to make a call, or sitting down to fellowship with another friend in recovery, is nurturing his or her courage to change. The importance and positivity of that phrase hit me the other day. I realized that I sometimes feel vulnerable when I ask the God of my understanding for courage. But then, I marveled that I even asked for help at all. The simple act of calling on my Higher Power is an incredible one, showing a renewed sense of self-worth and forgiveness. I ask for help to get and stay abstinent from acting out in my addiction. And that’s a remarkable distinction from what I used to do when I felt vulnerable or uncomfortable.
I used to spend weeks beating myself up for acting out, but I couldn’t see that a lack of self-love and self-respect was part of what led to it. Perhaps, deep down, I believed I didn’t deserve love; I’m not sure. But I do know that when I recite the part of the Serenity Prayer about the “courage to change,” I’m asking the universe to help me see and deal with my issues. I’m asking for help to see and do things differently in recovery than I’d ever done before in the repetitive insanity of my addiction. I think asking for courage means I’m giving myself some credit; I think it means that I am truly being loving to myself, probably for the first time in my life.
In my acting-out days, I would never allow myself the vulnerability of asking for help. I would rarely admit I couldn’t do something on my own; and I couldn’t truly rely on God and others around me to help show me a better, healthier way. In recovery, I ask my Higher Power for the courage to change. And sometimes, I am imbued with it. Calling on God for courage isn’t always easy or pretty but I don’t get points for style. It’s important just to ask. The simple act of turning to my Higher Power to be granted some courage to face my issues, is a big step in being rigorously honest about my addiction and in bettering myself overall.
